Dealing With Disappointment

We’ve all felt and expressed disappointment at times. There is no way to avoid feeling this emotion. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on if professing it is a good, bad or in between kind of thing. According to Mensline, Australia – A free mental health support organization for men: “Disappointment is a negative emotion that you feel when an outcome doesn’t match up to your expectations. It is characterized by feelings of sadness, loss, anger and frustration. It’s an unavoidable part of life that is not always easy to deal with”. However, it does not discriminate; it affects men and women the same. Here are some definitions.

Disappoint:

To fail to fulfill the hopes and expectations of someone – let down.
To prevent hopes or expectations from being realized – frustrate.
To thwart or defeat the expectation or hope of something.

In Rhonda Holland’s book, Shut the Door (my latest ladies Bible Study), she writes about disappointment, “the enemy desires to cause you to doubt God’s promises or prophetic words spoken to you. When that happens, disappointment sets in and your heart becomes sick. Your heart is sick because your expectation dies, and as a result hope is defeated.”

As I pondered our group discussion from that lesson, it posed several questions in my mind. Is disappointment of the devil? Did Jesus get disappointed? If God knows all things beforehand, does He put expectations on us? If not, then why do we put expectations on others? The more I thought about it, the more questions I had, and wondered why I was writing this blog on it. I will try to express my thoughts about this with help from God’s Word.

I’ve learned that feelings are feelings, they are neither right or wrong. However, what we do with our feelings (both positive and negative) will chart the course of our life. If we’re constantly acting on our negative feelings, the fruit we produce will be tainted. If we cling to the good feelings/emotions and dismiss the negative ones, we stand a better chance of remaining in God’s love, joy, peace and all matters of His fruitfulness. “Professing” our disappointment will not produce the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Click link to read more about the Fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22)

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21)

We must be mindful of our words. It’s important to speak life over people, especially our loved ones. Disappointment and un-met expectations not only affects the believer, but those who have disappointed them as well. While I can’t say for certain that disappointment is of the devil, I believe it is a tool he uses to attack our faith, our hope and even how well we love. We must love as Jesus loves.

Jesus, being one with the Father had no expectations from people. On the night of the last supper, Jesus said to Peter: “Satan has asked to sift you like sand.” (He wanted to shake Peter’s faith.) Jesus said he had prayed for Peter, that his faith would not fail. He had said “and when you have turned again (repented), strengthen your brother.” (Luke 22:31-32) He did not say, Peter, I’m so disappointed in you. Jesus dismissed that disappointment of Peter’s denial! I’m sure he felt it, but he shut the door on the devil. He knew it would happen, and had prayed beforehand. We may not know beforehand, but we can pray when the emotion of disappointment rises within. We gain little by expressing it. In fact, speaking our negative emotions over somebody is tantamount to casting blame for that feeling. Wouldn’t it be better to express hope in the positive than defeat in the negative?

Giving Grace

Every person is afforded God’s grace to make their own choices in life and to learn and grow from its effects, as God promises to work it all out for their good and His glory (for those who love Him). (Romans 8:28) As a parent, we set up expectations for our children. We may have expressed our disappointment in disciplining them when they didn’t live up to those expectations. For some of us, this worked out to the advantage. (After all, who really wants to disappoint someone, especially someone you love?) But then again, sometimes it can hurt a spiritually weak person. They can adapt a mindset of believing they can’t do anything to please (their loved one). They start to profess to themselves “I am a disappointment.” Then, over time, they live with that reality and many other problems arise. (Read Proverbs 18:21 again.)

Now, I am not saying it’s wrong to tell our children, or anyone else, we are disappointed in them as a means of correction, but the truth is “speaking life” (good) always trumps the opposite. This is something that should be applied in all situations.

Expressing disappointment especially to teenagers often leads to conflict. We need to find ways to promote solutions rather than conflict. Perhaps that means, speaking positive affirmations to encourage, in spite of our disappointment. When we dismiss disappointment like Jesus did, we become a little more selfless like Him.

After a researching alternative ways to profess disappointment, I felt disappointed, as it was more of the same. A client in the hair salon says she tells her children, “Hey, that may be the best you think can do, but I know you can do better.” That’s a thought!

On that word, let me remind you to take every “thought” captive to the obedience of Christ because it’s the power to take down strongholds and diminish arguments. (Romans 12:2) A wise woman in my Bible study said “when we fail to do this we prevent Jesus from transforming us by the renewal of our minds.” We certainly don’t want to be stuck in old mindsets.

So, I’m ending my March blog by professing I will “march forward”, dismiss disappointment and trust the Holy Spirit to give me wisdom with positive affirmations to speak when it comes to expressing that feeling. In the meantime, I am reminded of the 1945 hit song by Johnny Mercer and the Pied Pipers.This one makes me want to dance. Hope you enjoy this old classic. (Click link to listen.)